Ready to start the day.
geolometry - the study of the shape of rocks
The police surround Skrillex’s house, guns drawn, as they move towards the front door. Suddenly, Skrillex bursts from the house wielding two beats in his hands. “Back the fuck up, or I’ll do it!” The police put their fingers on the triggers of their guns. “Skrillex, put your hands in the air and drop the beat!”
A cold smile flashes on Skrillex’s face. “I was hoping you’d say that.”
Anonymous asked: Scary Stories To Tell in the Dark
Okay, I have a good one.
It was a dark and stormy night. I headed to the freezer in the garage to look for a nice frozen dairy treat: Mainly ice cream. As I stepped into the garage, the door closed behind me suddenly, but slowly, with a loud creeking sound.
“Must have been the wind,” I said to myself, as I searched the wall for the lightswitch. Upon finding it, I flicked it into the “on” position. The lights in the room flickered, then went out, as a spooky breeze blew through the old screen door barely hanging on its frame. I walked quietly to the freezer door. The garage was cold, and seemed to put off some sort of… feeling of a presence somewhere. Taking a quick glance around, I was not satisfied with everything being darkness. But, the sooner I got my ice cream, the sooner I could go back to playing Team Fortress 2.
I opened the door of the freezer and found something I could not believe…
Next to the head of my lover… was an empty spot in the freezer, because I was out of ice cream.
I’m thinking something not as traditional, but could, perhaps, be thought to be a family name.
Right now, I still like “Zippendorf”, but I just recently thought about “Gazebo” as a boy’s name. It’s sort of manly, with the “z” and the “o” in there. You wouldn’t mess with a guy named Gazebo. And if you would, then I’ll start taking him to the gym by age 3 and feeding him that Muscle Milk crap by age 2, until he has literal muscles on his muscles. Then he can give me piggyback rides, so when there’s a crowd of people or something, or we’re at a concert, I can get on his shoulders.
I am raising my son to have strong shoulders.
No one is even pregnant with my future offspring yet.
UPDATE: Just decided that I’m going to name my daughter “Chow Mein”.
So, my ex-girlfriend called me, and I said she was “dense”. She started getting all buttfrustrated that I called her “stupid” (though the word I used was “dense”, and by that, I meant that she had a lot of atoms or something), so she called me “chicken legs”.
I hung up the phone, because that was mean as hell, and she deserves to be hit with an empty box a few times for that.
She called back, and I immediately said, “I don’t have to deal with this!” Her response:
“Hello, limbs of poultry.”
I hung up again, then turned off my phone. About fifteen minutes later, I turned my phone back on and forgot why I was so mad at her, then read the first part of this post again and turned my phone back off.
This calls for egg nog.