The Electric Eccentric

10. So, how you wanna do this, like… Spread-eagle style?

9. Dibs on the TV.

8. I saw the funniest thing online today. Let me show you.

7. I bet I’ll get to touch your boobies. I just said that out loud, didn’t I?

6. You sure you don’t want to play just one round of Brawl before we go at it?

5. Hope this doesn’t turn me gay. No, not the sex, marriage.

4. YOUR TITS TASTE LIKE CAPTAIN CRUNCH MILK

3. Dibs on the first slice of pizza.

2. Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if I wore your bra? No?

1. This just in: My penis.

You know, considering I don’t say ALL of these, in, like, succession.

Face it.

You will one day have a daughter, who will grow up and eventually bring home some guy named Lunchbox (which is his real name), and she’ll think he’s great and nice and smart, when really he smells like a recently dead animal and steals your silverware when you aren’t looking.

And you’ll only be able to give them your blessing because at the wedding, you’ll get him alone and present him with a wedding gift of silverware, and then stab him to death with a teaspoon.

It’s inevitable.

30 Day Poetry Challenge - Day 1

“Write a poem where each line starts with a letter from your first name (an acrostic). It can be about anything, but it should not be about you or your name.”

The skies lit up when you entered the room
In all your beauty, you shone so bright.
Move over, subtle bride and groom.
Or else you’ll be blinded by the light
That radiated from her dress;
Her soul pierced through the shrouded day.

You gave me something to live for, Helena May.

Saadia doesn't want me to get married.

lol

(via dopealope)

Buddy just told me that he wants “The Scientist” by Coldplay as his wedding song.

I told him that I would not only not attend the wedding, but would also be 50 miles away and nuking the place. I am also going to fly to England and punch Chris Martin in the mouth.

My obvious wedding song choice is “Another First Kiss” by They Might Be Giants.