The Electric Eccentric

I’ve been wanting to play Left 4 Dead for the past month, and it’s depressing me more and more each day that the only game my big dumb baby laptop will run at this point is fuckin’ Solitaire and WordPad. (Yes, WordPad is not a game but no one loves you so keep your mouth shut.)

I think I should save money to get a cheap desktop and just upgrade it as I can, rathet than save up and buy a gaming laptop. I should just get a new basic lappy fod writing and media and stuff, and game on a desktop lime a normal person.

Girl gamer 4lyfe

I wish I could have one hour in the day that no one else had. It would be somewhere in the evening, maybe between 6:00 and 7:00 PM, where everyone just stops moving except for me and I can do whatever I wanted, or actually go somewhere I wanted to go for once. If some sort of genie or wizard or retired Las Vegas magician can make that happen, that’s all I want for Christmas this year.

Squirrels are probably always just thinking about acorns and nuts and never sadness or love or anger. That’s a weird concept to me. They’re just always thinking about food, I bet.

All I want is to be reborn into a marsupial when I die so that I can carry lots of snacks in my pouch instead of children.

You know what would be the absolute meanest practical joke? If you were a girl, and you met a really great guy somewhere, and he was funny and sweet and kind and charming and one thing lead to another and you two slept together, and right when you turned and said “Oh, that was great!” He took off his disguise to reveal that it was Drake all along and said “YOU CAN THANK ME NOW.”

I’m not gonna do it for my current girlfriend, but can someone out there please name their next girlfriend’s vagina “The Magic Conch” and whisper questions to it in my place please?

Hey, for those of you who have never kissed a girl, it’s one of the coolest things you can ever do. Like, as soon as your lips meet, you can feel yourself slowly dying inside, like all of your organs have begun its slow descent into a deep grave, and I mean that in the best way possible. It’s like a flesh-eating bacteria goes through the girl’s mouth and through your body, wreaking havoc on just about everything except your sex organ, which, for some reason, functions perfectly. It’s so cool.

Oh! Yesterday, I actually saw a real-life fedora-wearing MLP-shirt-donning kid on the bus. He sat next to a girl, but she stopped him and moved somewhere else on the bus. I didn’t want to laugh because it wasn’t funny, and I know the girl wasn’t trying to be mean, and I know it didn’t even have anything to do with his weird face or his clothing.

But still, it was a pretty big coincidence.

It makes me sad that not enough people give bugs credit for being able to fucking walk on walls and ceilings like that isn’t the illest shit ever.

I’m still really fucking mad that there’s actually a show about a dog with a blog, appropriately named “Dog With a Blog”. I’m really really mad about that. Just livid. This is a sad world.

Okay, so, ghosts hang around and shit when they’re not at peace, right? And they’ll only cross to the other side once whatever they need taken care of is taken care of, right? Well what if I want to hang around as a ghost for a long time, and just be a happy, peaceful ghost, watching everyone who survived me do stuff and smile and laugh? What if long after I’m gone, I just want to watch people continue to play in the rain and yell at each other and have first kisses over and over again, like some big television show, starring my loved ones? What if I never want to move to the other side because Earth is where I want to stay, helping people out and sending them messages?

Today, I finally realized that I have a thigh gap.

I’ve become the monster that I’ve hated for so long.

While you’re out putzing around today, remember to look at nature and see how beautiful everything is. Imagine how more beautiful things could be without humans. Then imagine how a tree feels. Wherever you are, put your arms out and stand still for a few hours and truly understand. Let a squirrel live inside of you. Grow fruit. Be beautiful.

I was in the bathroom earlier and noticed that my eyes looked especially dead today, and I wanted to take a picture but didn’t have my phone with me so I’ll just have to be content with the memory of how lifeless my eyes were, I guess.

When a woman is unfortunate enough to be impregnated by me, I’m gonna play nothing but Thomas Pridgen drum solos while it’s in the womb. That and OK Go’s softer songs, so he or she has a soft side along with its crazy dope-as-shit rhythm.