A long time ago, I told some guy that he should move to New York with his rat and become a crime-fighter called Rat Man, and he said he would, but I have no idea if he ever did and that’s why I haven’t slept in months.
I passed a pill bug that was stuck on its back, and without thinking, I bent over and flipped him. If it could talk, it would have probably thanked me, but I felt really good about it anyway. That’s why I think I should be the next president of the United States.
The name's Tim. Nice to meet you, maybe.
I play guitar, sing silly songs, write stuff, draw shitty pictures and make people on the Internet mad on a professional level. I drink a lot of tea and write letters to pen pals. I also think about death a lot.
lifescacophony asked: HOW IS DAISY?
She’s doing very well, thank you for asking!
She’s gotten huge. It’s crazy. Pretty soon, I’ll be able to teach her THUNDERSHOCK and QUICK ATTACK, and all that fancy stuff.
But not DOUBLE TEAM.
Fuck DOUBLE TEAM.
Just feed the rat people food. Best solution.
I’ve already given her people food. She goes absolutely crazy for Captain Crunch and tortilla chips. In fact, the first time I gave her Captain Crunch, she took a nibble, and then looked back at me as her pupils dilated. She started twitching and scratching her neck, then proceeded to bite through her metal cage and scratch the flesh off of my face, then rocket out of the room towards the kitchen. My mom was in there, putting the cereal back in the cabinet. Daisy, my rat, pulled out a gun, cocked it back and said to my dear mother, “Listen, bitch, if you know what’s good for you, you’re gonna set that box down and get the fuck out of my kitchen, you understand?” My mom threw the box on the ground and ran outside, and Daisy tore the box apart and began to devour the entire bag of cereal.
So I don’t feed her people food anymore.
It’s been quite some time…
And I still haven’t eaten any of my rat’s food.
To be honest, I’m not only surprised with myself, but also a little ashamed, and disgusted, that I still have not tasted the food she eats. I do it with every pet I have. I’ve eaten dog food, cat food, and even goldfish food, for the few hours I had a goldfish.
It died shortly after I got it from a bullet wound. It was involved in some sort of gang war. I don’t want to get into it.
The point is, I’m at the breaking point, and I might eat rat food soon, so that’s happening.
My rat is an escape artist.
Yesterday, I took my rat, Daisy, for a stroll around the block with some cool peeps. She was riding around on my head, and it was really cool. It was the first time I’d actually taken her outside, because I’d previously had the overwhelming fear that once she tasted freedom, she’d dip out at the drop of a hat.
Unfortunately, the taste of freedom had not yet left her tongue, because I had to get up in the middle of the night to put her back into her cage after she’d escaped.
That’s… not good. I bet that in another life, she broke out of prison avidly. Soon, I’ll teach her how to pick locks, and even how to use THUNDERBOLT.
brb putting some Mike’s Hard Lemonade in my rat’s water bottle
Moment of panic.
I thought I lost Daisy.
Sometimes, I let her out so she can parade around my room and hide in places. Right now is one of those times. And I usually forget she’s out and about because she’s as quiet as a mouse (hurrrr), but my brother opened my door to tell my nephew something, and they both left.
About ten minutes later, it occurred to me that she could have gotten out and I lost my shit. It was a panic similar to a mother losing a child that she actually likes.
Daisy was behind my bed, which I realized after a few minutes of searching the entire house, so all is well. Just thought I’d share that I almost lost my mind from losing Daisy.
I’ve never known a rat to like Cap’n Crunch milk so much.
Then again, I’ve never known a rat.
I guess she’s cool people.
