Expect the worst, but always hope for the breast.
I passed a pill bug that was stuck on its back, and without thinking, I bent over and flipped him. If it could talk, it would have probably thanked me, but I felt really good about it anyway. That’s why I think I should be the next president of the United States.
The name's Tim. Nice to meet you, maybe.
I play guitar, sing silly songs, write stuff, draw shitty pictures and make people on the Internet mad on a professional level. I drink a lot of tea and write letters to pen pals. I also think about death a lot.
If you lived in a giant diaper, you wouldn’t even need a bathroom.
You could just shit on the floor.
Now look me in the eyes and tell me your life is perfect.
"You can’t beat a ho with a belt. Hoes like that shit!"
—life lessons from Pootie Tang
