The Electric Eccentric

Today, my dad was complaining that someone was driving like they were “a relative of Ray Charles”.

And I just don’t have the heart to tell him that not everyone who is related to a blind person is also blind.

Most don’t know this, but I really like it when friends call me while they’re driving somewhere and need directions.

I feel like mission control. Their fate is in my hands.

My ex-girlfriend just let me drive her PT Cruiser.

It looks like that.

No, I swear it’s not a giant roach painted silver with wheels.

That’s a car.

And she’s so sick right now, that it came down to either me driving it, or…

I shudder to think what the other option was.

Anyway, that’s the only thing that’s happening in my life right now.

Something I discovered today.

I seem to have some sort of shellshock or PTSD whenever I’m in the car with an angry driver. As soon as the unnecessary yelling starts, I start cowering lower in my seat and cover my ears.

Okay, maybe it’s not shellshock, but that shit is obnoxious.

Kids, please, if you’re reading this: Don’t get mad at other drivers. You’re not fucking perfect. Seriously. In fact, you’re all shitty drivers, and ten times as many people yell at you from their cars while you’re driving.

Plus, your parents never loved you and you’re going to die alone.

This is so cute. My nephew just went into my room and said, “I wish I were old enough so that I could do whatever and drive.” I told him driving is the best thing ever, and he shouldn’t get mad when other people do stupid things because no one’s perfect and besides, you’re driving.

Also, I’m about to let him drive my mom’s car in a minute lol bye.

If only I had an older sister.

I was just thinking about this the other day.

I wish I had an older sister. A sibling older than my good-for-nothing brother, who actually accomplished something. It would be neat. She could have gone to college, so I could have visited her in college and went with her to the parties and stuff. And she could drive me around and, when mom and pop (I CALL HIM POP I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU WHITE CHILDREN WITH DADS I HAVE A POP OKAY OKAY) weren’t around, let me drive. She could have helped me with girls, and I wouldn’t have been such a silly idiot.

Not to say I didn’t turn out fantastically. I mean, look at me. I’m funny, my grammer and speling is grate, and I have nice shoulders. But it would have been nice if I’d had a sibling that I could have looked up to.

Also, she could play the drums, and we could start a band. That’d be chill.

OOH AND I COULD DRIVE HER AROUND WHEN I GOT MY LICENSE IN EXCHANGE FOR HER GETTING ME ALCOHOLIC NUMMIES WHY CAN’T I HAVE AN OLDER SISTER THIS SUCKS.

Ah well. When I have kids, I’m going to make sure that one of them is the oldest.

(Please excuse that last line. It may make sense metaphorically, but I meant it literally, and it’s pretty freakin’ stupid.)

Driving: A pretty good feeling.

Driving legally: Even better.

Driving around with a friend doing ignorant hoodrat shit at Costco: The greatest feeling evar.

I just got my liiiiiceeeeense.

My driving test is tomorrow.

I really don’t think I’m gonna pass, for whatever reason.

But if I don’t, I’m politely asking that someone come to my house with ice cream and console me on the fact that my life is over and I should just give up.

Thanks, guys.

-Tim

Okay, wait. (Driving)

I just drove around town in a car that didn’t belong to me, because my best friend lent it to me to drive my mom to karaoke, and this happened all while I still don’t have my license.

My question is: How do people not enjoy driving around aimlessly by themselves as much as I do?

I still think I’m destined to die alone and be perfectly happy about that. If I had a car, I would drive by myself all the time. It’s a magical thing.

If it’s Opposite Day, and you don’t drive on the left side of the road, then you’re not committed enough.

Attention to everyone who seemingly let me drive their car around illegally.

This is to Buddy, Marshie, uhh… Melanie and Robert once… Geaquari, that ONE time with the Chinese Fire Drill, and Tony. Apparently, on the DMV website, if I’m over 18 (which I am, if you’ve forgotten), I could have driven around, with my permit, with a licensed driver that was also over the age of 18.

I could have gotten a LOT more practice in. Dammit.

I might be able to test up here, but probably not. I’m in no hurry anyway. I ain’t got no car, and the only reason I really want my license at this point is for the road trip that Marshie and I ARE going on this summer.

Other than that, it’s just another little card with my pretty* face on it.

*opinionated

So, I just beat 150 CC with Toad, and was so pleased with myself that I made this picture.

I remember why I miss this game so much. :’]