PEEKABOO.
I passed a pill bug that was stuck on its back, and without thinking, I bent over and flipped him. If it could talk, it would have probably thanked me, but I felt really good about it anyway. That’s why I think I should be the next president of the United States.
The name's Tim. Nice to meet you, maybe.
I play guitar, sing silly songs, write stuff, draw shitty pictures and make people on the Internet mad on a professional level. I drink a lot of tea and write letters to pen pals. I also think about death a lot.
Oh, hello.
I heard you like carrots.
Get in the van.
Saadia doesn't want me to get married.
Saadia: So you're getting married?
Tim: Oh... Well, you're still invited to the wedding.
Saadia: I'm gonna rip her fucking hair out.
Tim: ... You're still invited to the wedding.
Saadia: I will rip the dress off of her and beat her with it. She won't even be able to say "I do" after I'm done with her.
Tim: Okay... You're still invited to he wedding.
Saadia: Please don't marry her. It would just break my little heart.
Tim: Oh, hold on a second. *picks up phone* Hello? Wait... What!? No, wait a minute, I'm sure that... No, the universe is heliocentric... What? You mean they've found new evidence proving that Saadia is the center of the universe? I'll have to call you back.
Saadia: Fuck you.
