It’s nights like these where I lie awake at night and wonder if Adam Sandler can actually live with himself.
I passed a pill bug that was stuck on its back, and without thinking, I bent over and flipped him. If it could talk, it would have probably thanked me, but I felt really good about it anyway. That’s why I think I should be the next president of the United States.
The name's Tim. Nice to meet you, maybe.
I play guitar, sing silly songs, write stuff, draw shitty pictures and make people on the Internet mad on a professional level. I drink a lot of tea and write letters to pen pals. I also think about death a lot.
Rolled three goddamn 1’s tonight in Mario Party.
One of them landed me on a bank space, and I had to pay 45 of my goddamn coins.
Fucking fuck.
Fuck Mario Party.
And Steve Harvey.
Fuck Mario Party and Steve Harvey.
And fuck LeBron James.
So, two penguins walk into a bar.
The bar was in Antarctica.
It didn’t get much business.
The bar closed in a month.
Wish I'd worked up the courage to actually respond with this.
Kelly: I swear to every god ever conceived that if I see an animal abuser, no matter when or where I will make them suffer a fate worse than death.
Tim: *thinking* She's gonna hate me, 'cause I beat tha pussy up.
I drew a comic.
This is me sharing it with you, World.
That really is too bad.
So, I noticed that my friend posted something on his Tumblr, and it looked funny, so I decide to check it out on his page. 3.4 seconds upon going to his page, I start to hear Vampire Weekend.
I took my laptop to the top of the stairs in my hall and made a Slinky out of it, then used my roommate’s computer to post this. If you don’t know by now, I have an unnatural hate for Vampire Weekend. So, if you like them and their music, well, I have no choice but to disassociate myself with you. Sorry.
