Ay, when is there gonna be a Tumblr feature that lets you challenge any user to a rap battle?
I passed a pill bug that was stuck on its back, and without thinking, I bent over and flipped him. If it could talk, it would have probably thanked me, but I felt really good about it anyway. That’s why I think I should be the next president of the United States.
The name's Tim. Nice to meet you, maybe.
I play guitar, sing silly songs, write stuff, draw shitty pictures and make people on the Internet mad on a professional level. I drink a lot of tea and write letters to pen pals. I also think about death a lot.
People who tag their own selfies with their URL
There really should be a way to just turn off reblogs on your dashboard when you don’t want to see dumb bullshit over and over and over. At least a way to turn it off for some people, rather than having to just Tumblr-Savior-blast the crap out of certain people. Whatever, I can persevere. Just need to find people who post more, I guess.
Honestly, I can’t reblog more than, like, three things in a row without consciously thinking, “Oh, man, I should actually post something original before I reblog again” because, to me, that’s just how a blog should be run.
Tumblr protip: Stop tagging a post with more than five tags. Only the first five are searchable in any tag. The rest just make you look desperate.
If someone tells you to like and reblog their selfies, don’t do it. For every note they receive, they gain more and more power until it swells them up to a great size and they’re big enough to destroy the Earth in one punch. If you want to live, stop giving people attention, and thirst no longer, comrades.
One of my favorite things about Tumblr is that seeing someone concede to someone’s logic and admitting that they might have been wrong is like stumbling upon Bigfoot having kinky sex with a unicorn. It’s just that rare.
Hey, I found a book that you all really need to read, like, soon. Hahaha just kidding. Nothing could actually save the cess pool that is Tumblr.
Left-handed people are actually telepathic. They can read your thoughts. They know that you’re a boring person who only thinks about pizza and cats and Starbucks. They know you hate yourself. They’ve told me.
This is the first time my Tumblr Crushes has ever been 100% accurate.
And another thing, how you gonna be so thirsty for notes that you’d make any “reblog if _____” post, especially one as relatable and vague as that one. That’s just a waste of everyone’s time.
More posts like that should be “ruined”. And when I say that, I ultimately mean that they’ll be made better.
Around this time of night, I usually just sit and think up stupid things to say some other time and just save 10-15 posts in my drafts. Around 85% of them get aborted into space to die in the vacuum. The other 15% fight for my approval, and the winner gets posted, while the others get their own honorable viking funerals.
“Forever reblog,” whispers the Tumblr user as she repeatedly clicks the reblog button. Life continues around her, but she refuses to move from that chair. “Forever reblog,” she continues to chant, as time goes faster and faster, the planets and stars racing across the sky. Soon, she forgets hunger, and thirst, and continues to reblog the same picture of a cat until she is old. Her hair has turned gray. Her teeth have fallen out. But still she reblogs. Only a skeleton is left now, with its brittle bone hand still holding down the left click button.
Whenever I delve into the “help” tag, I look at the avatars of the people posting and read their posts in my head. And I imagine how their voices would sound, which is something I do for everyone on Tumblr, really. But everyone in the “help” tag just sounds whiny. It’s kinda funny to imagine a room full of whiny people just yelling their problems loudly, heads tilted towards the ceiling and mouths wide open.
That’s what I envision every time I’m there.
