The Electric Eccentric

I think the lady at 7/11 has a crush on me.

Every goddamn time I go in there and see that she’s working, I swear, I feel like turning right around and just going back to the car. Seriously.

Today, I walked in, didn’t even look at her, grabbed my green tea and lemonade Arizona (the usual), and walked up to the counter.

“Hello,” I said.

“Long time no see.”

“Yeah, heh heh, I…”

“Why.”

“… I, um…”

“You just not around anymore?”

I say nothing.

Cash register says $1.04.

Hand her a dollar and get the hell out of there.

Poured a bowl of cereal this morning.

Silly me didn’t think to check if we had milk.

Guess who didn’t have any milk?

No, guess again.

THAT’S RIGHT ME.

Think that’s gonna stop me? Hell naw.

Currently eating cereal with no milk. I just don’t give a fuck.

How exciting.

It’s not like I haven’t said this before, but I finished the first chapter of what was originally going to be a short story, but now might be a full-length book thingy of some sort. It was an idea that I had a while ago, that I somehow just dove into today during a freewrite. It feels weird to just write this without any planning whatsoever, though I am piecing how it will turn out in my head, and will (eventually) write it down, as to not lose this brilliance.

I’m just happy I’m writing again.

This calls for a smiley face.

Dammit, someone’s at the door. The smiley face will have to wait.

More on this current project when I figure out whether or not I completely love it or completely hate it.

Master Plans, with Tim

Yesterday, I had $20.

I spent… $9.00 on a cheap box of chocolate and $2.59 for a birthday card for my mother, whose birthday is today.

Happy birthday, mother.

I also bought a caramel frappé from McDonald’s, which is, like, $2.60-something or something.

Now I have enough money to buy a day pass for the bus to go to my friend’s dinner, which is cool, because I don’t have enough money to eat, so I plan to show up late and get everyone’s leftovers, like I usually do, without paying for anything.

This is the thinking of a future evil dictator, I’m sure.

It’s been a while, website.

So, my ex-girlfriend called me, and I said she was “dense”. She started getting all buttfrustrated that I called her “stupid” (though the word I used was “dense”, and by that, I meant that she had a lot of atoms or something), so she called me “chicken legs”.

I hung up the phone, because that was mean as hell, and she deserves to be hit with an empty box a few times for that.

She called back, and I immediately said, “I don’t have to deal with this!” Her response:

“Hello, limbs of poultry.”

I hung up again, then turned off my phone. About fifteen minutes later, I turned my phone back on and forgot why I was so mad at her, then read the first part of this post again and turned my phone back off.

This calls for egg nog.

I now declare Sundays to be “Short Story Sundays”.

I’ll write something later though, because it’s too early in the morning (for me) to be thinking about contemplating even considering doing anything besides maybe play TF2 or guitar.

If I don’t post anything, then I’m sorry, but I just naturally a compulsive liar, or, at the very least, a procrastinator.

But if I do, I’ll probably use one of the loads of one-word story ideas that was sent to me by loads of different people.

Did I say “loads of different people”?

I meant just Saadia.

Anyway, that’s about all for non-interesting news that I can put out at 9:30 in the morning OOH BRIANSTORM JUST CAME ON BYE.

See ya later, innovator.

I remember how I used to go on FML.com and just post comments that everyone thought were just hilarious. And I’d do it religiously, waiting for new posts so that I’d be near the top. It’s kind of sad, looking back at it now, but it was all worth it when people started to miss me.

Oh, hello, Current Me.

xoxosaadia asked: Unicorn

There once was a secret village, full of thousands of magical unicorns, who lived in peace and happiness. Out of the many unicorns, there was one, named Pablo, who was the smallest unicorn, despite being 46 unicorn years old (598 in human years) and still living with his mother. Pablo was teased a lot by other unicorns much younger than him, but bigger, more handsome and with many more ladies than Pablo would ever dream of having. In fact, Pablo had never really been with a female unicorn, but that’s beside the point.

One day, Pablo was outside his mother’s house, polishing his complete set of “Unicorn Wars” figurines when Randy and his gang of mean unicorns showed up on the other side of the fence.

“Hey, douchebag!” Randy called out. Pablo was taken by surprise as Randy and the other unicorns cruelly pelted Pablo with assorted items that ranged from phoenix eggs to unicorn dung, and even a few copies of “H2O” on DVD. “Yeah, that’s right… Take it. Take it like the pathetic piece of nothing you are.” This was more than Pablo could bear. He ran inside of his mother’s house, nearly toppled down the stairs to the basement, and cried for hours, until finally, he just… snapped.

“Those other unicorns… *snort* think that they can… *snort* make fun of… *snort* me, call me names… *snort* and… I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to show them that I can be just as strong and brave as all of them,” Pablo decided. Just then, there was a cry of help. Stardust, the only unicorn in the village with even a slightly feminine name, was holding on to a tree branch.

“Help me! Oh, someone, help me! I can’t hold on much longer!” She yelled and yelled for help. For some reason, every other unicorn was busy and did not respond to her help, most likely because it was Wednesday night, and “Hot Sexy Unicorn Jell-O Wrestling” was airing. Only Pablo heard her frantic cries.

“I’ll show them all how fierce and courageous I can be,” Pablo said, as he loaded his guns, rushed out of the house and brutally murdered every unicorn in the village the end.

Leave one word in my inbox, abstract or whatever, and I’ll write a short story about it.

It’s been a while since I’ve really written anything, and I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten rusty.

So, this is Sumo.

It was about a week ago, and my friend Trevor, whom I refer to as Porkchop, along with my friend Josh, whom I refer to as Diglett, and I were on our way up to the home of my friend Krystal, whom I refer to as Scooter. I found this frog and immediately fell in love with it, and Porkchop helped me take care of it for the time we spent at Scooter’s, poking holes into the lid of a Pringles canister and keeping an eye on him.

When it came time for me to leave, I took Sumo outside and was about to take him home when my friend Jordan, whom I refer to as Spiffy, kept whining about how I was taking him prisoner, or was going to slowly kill him and couldn’t take care of him, I finally just decided that I’d leave him so she’d shut up.

I miss that frog.

Now everyone gets to feel my pain.

Starting off today with one of the more serious problems in the world. Try not to cry all of your tears at once.

GHOST STORY OH SHIT

There once was a man who had a hook for a hand.

He was teased often and treated differently all of his life.

The end.

daggerbyte asked: following you is very easy

Why, thank you! You know, at first, I was going to open with something along the lines of, “Well, of course I am. Everyone’s easy to follow. All you have to do is click the follow button, and blah blah blah,” but I decided that it wasn’t worth it, as I am very flattered about your comment. It all started when I was but a wee lass, and my mother put a training bra on me for the first time. It was at that moment that I realized my destiny was to live the rest of my life as a boy, since I’d been born as such. My mother had always wanted a girl, and kept trying to convince me to get the surgery, but I finally confronted her and moved away, at the ripe age of 13 to join a travelling circus. That was where I met my first love, Phoebe, who was a chainsaw juggler. She had the most beautiful green eyes and back hair, that glistened just right in the moonlight… Her eyes glistened too, now that I think about it. But, soon, we had to part, once she was arrested for coke. Funny, she is the reason they didn’t catch me. I still remember her hoisting me over that fence, and letting out a single tear as we kissed for the last time.

Or maybe we actually just had sex. We had a great lead on the cops, so we certainly had the time. I don’t remember. Anyway.

After that, I went to high school, which was a little difficult, since my mother had kept me hidden in our attic until I’d run away, so I never went to elementary or middle school. But, it was still pretty simple. I learned quickly that it was most beneficial to me to copy off of the people whose eyes were the most slanted. I also learned how to ride a bike from some kid with a peg leg.

Now, several years later, after sleeping with my teachers to pass my classes (some of them were female!), I am a college student and run a Tumblr that is easy to follow. I don’t really know why I just spilled my life story to you, and apologize for making you read all of this. I’ve just been in a writing mood lately. Anyway, tell your friends about me. And by friends, I mean your mother.

I haven’t written anything in a while… What should I write a short story about?

I’m a little bored at the moment.