May 2013
May 19th
100 notes
1 tag
rlffraff: Reblog this post Greetings, young Jeremy. I am Tim, from the future. This is your next 50,000+ note post, filled to the brim with the most stupid fuckshit imaginable. I am from the future. Heed my warning.
May 19th
10 notes
2 tags
I wonder if I can pinpoint how long I can hold in my pee, and if I’ll explode if I hold it in for too long, so I can go to the house of someone I don’t like, explode, and get pee on everything in the house. I may be dead, but my piss-stained memory will live on, along with the smell. I hope that’s how holding in your pee for a long time works.
May 19th
1 note
3 tags
Underrated and not well-known blogs who deserve more credit for being awesome that I might like?
May 19th
2 notes
2 tags
Plot twist: Tyler doesn’t have a dad. His mom reproduced asexually. Upon realizing this, all of his anger and hatred towards his missing father suddenly dissipates and melts like a forgotten dream, and he makes pretty piano music until his dying day about how 2dopeboyz are faggots.
May 19th
4 notes
4 tags
May 19th
2 tags
May 19th
9 notes
1 tag
I haven’t pooped in a year and I’m starting to get concerned.
May 19th
1 note
1 tag
When I have kids, I’m gonna tell them that I lost my virginity at age 12 and anything pat that means ultra nerd status.
May 19th
1 note
3 tags
WatchWatch
Look at me do a thing.
May 19th
7 notes
*suffers quietly and politely*
May 18th
2 tags
A list of things that are better to do naked: water balloon fight drink hot chocolate watch weird independent films laugh at old people (who are also naked) go to job interviews pop bubble wrap microwave a bowl of ramen noodles dance like crazy punch a stranger Freeze Tag holding the president hostage
May 18th
7 notes
1 tag
churroro replied to your photo: So Dad came through today as a total fuckin’ bro. Barqs > every other root beer I like your style, miss.
May 18th
2 tags
May 18th
4 notes
1 tag
When I die, take my ashes to a park and scatter them on the sidewalk. Feed me to the birds so I can finally become birds. That’s all I want. That’s all I have to say.
May 18th
4 notes
2 tags
I’ve been wanting to play Left 4 Dead for the past month, and it’s depressing me more and more each day that the only game my big dumb baby laptop will run at this point is fuckin’ Solitaire and WordPad. (Yes, WordPad is not a game but no one loves you so keep your mouth shut.) I think I should save money to get a cheap desktop and just upgrade it as I can, rathet than save up and buy a gaming...
May 18th
5 notes
May 18th
25,552 notes
1 tag
xoxosaadia: Whenever I start to feel lame for spending too much time on this dumb website, I just remember that I wouldn’t even know Tim if it weren’t for Tumblr, Twitter, and Formspring, despite us having gone to middle and high school together, and I’m super thankful for him in my life, so yeah
May 18th
3 notes
1 tag
Excuse me, miss. I couldn’t help but notice you were struggling with your groceries. I wasn’t planning on helping you. I just thought it was a good conversation starter because I want to take a bite out of your thighs.
May 18th
8 notes
2 tags
May 18th
2 notes
1 tag
My dad just found out that I can wiggle my ears and he can’t and I don’t think he’s ever been more proud of me.
May 17th
1 note
2 tags
The best time to unfollow someone is when they post a picture of themself. That’s just funny to me. Cripple the FUCK out of their self-confidence.
May 17th
1 note
1 tag
I wish I could have one hour in the day that no one else had. It would be somewhere in the evening, maybe between 6:00 and 7:00 PM, where everyone just stops moving except for me and I can do whatever I wanted, or actually go somewhere I wanted to go for once. If some sort of genie or wizard or retired Las Vegas magician can make that happen, that’s all I want for Christmas this year.
May 17th
2 notes
1 tag
May 17th
165 notes
1 tag
Things take too much energy.
May 17th
1 note
2 tags
May 16th
4 notes
2 tags
You’re making your way through a crowded area and accidentally bump into someone, causing a book to fall out of their hands.”Oh, sorry about that. I didn’t mean to,” you say. The person looks at you and begins to cry, admitting that it was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to them. You begin to cry as well, like you always do whenever someone is crying near you. Everyone starts crying around...
May 16th
2 notes
1 tag
May 16th
206 notes
1 tag
It’s no coincidence that “tried” and “tired” contain the same letters.
May 16th
2 tags
I wonder if I can make someone become paranoid about having spiders crawling somewhere on their body just by reading this post.
May 16th
2 notes
1 tag
Imagine if you took all of the people who have ever tagged a post with “i’m scREAMING” and put them in a room, and they were all literally screaming at the same time, and then someone just blew up the room and I finally got a good night’s sleep.
May 16th
1 note
1 tag
May 16th
2 notes
1 tag
I just read an e-mail from the community college I attend saying that there’s an end-of-the-year school dance, and I’d go if I talked to girls or danced or went outside for reasons that weren’t mandatory or enjoyed standing against walls for long periods of time or even sort of liked people or wanted to see how much punch I can drink before I piss myself into another dimension. That actually...
May 16th
3 notes
2 tags
BREAKING NEWS: All cute girls are now required by law to stop being cute immediately. Everyone is just sick of it.
May 16th
1 note
2 tags
adorableblerd replied to your post: How’s your rap album coming? How about the hat and pants? And the list of tumblrers you planned to annoy? You know, I just said to my girlfriend yesterday, I think it was, that I haven’t made anyone mad on Tumblr in quite some time. It’s heartbreaking because other people I follow do it with such ease, and I tend to just do it accidentally....
May 16th
1 tag
xoxosaadia asked: How's your rap album coming?
May 16th
2 notes
1 tag
May 16th
2 notes
1 tag
May 16th
1 note
2 tags
Yesterday, I found a t-shirt in a store that just said #SWAG on it. Hashtag and everything. My first thought was that there was no way it could be any douchier. Then I unfolded it and saw that it was not a t-shirt but, to my pleasant surprise, a tanktop. Lesson: Things can always get douchier. Always.
May 16th
4 notes
1 tag
My dad’s birthday was two days ago. He’d mentioned that he wanted a Green Lantern t-shirt. Earlier today, I went to Target and bought a Green Lantern shirt for him, along with some cupcakes, because he told me that he didn’t get a single cupcake on his birthday. I walked in and handed him his gifts. He smiled and said, “Thank you, son. Now I have two Green Lantern t-shirts.” Oh. And then...
May 16th
3 notes
3 tags
May 16th
2 notes
1 tag
May 16th
2 notes
2 tags
Squirrels are probably always just thinking about acorns and nuts and never sadness or love or anger. That’s a weird concept to me. They’re just always thinking about food, I bet.
May 15th
2 notes
1 tag
xoxosaadia: sirbombalot replied to your post: What’s your middle name? Emcee Big Dumb Baby. You are literally the worst.
May 15th
1 note
2 tags
Real men pee without looking down at their penises.
May 15th
2 notes
May 15th
7,021 notes
2 tags
I had a dream that I had a new red sweater, and when I woke up, I realized that I don’t have a red sweater, and that’s that kind of shit that makes me want to throw bricks through the windows of an orphanage.
May 15th
3 tags
May 15th
3 notes
xoxosaadia: sirbombalot: My new insult for 2013 is calling people “big dumb babies” so if I call you a big dumb baby, you really messed up. He’s called me this about fifty times today That’s because you’re a big dumb baby.
May 15th
8 notes
1 tag
My new insult for 2013 is calling people “big dumb babies” so if I call you a big dumb baby, you really messed up.
May 15th
8 notes